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Finding happiness

I have been put up to a new task. I am allegedly supposed to find out what makes me happy and start doing it. Those are orders from the boss. Apparently my happiness or more appropriately, the lack of it has an affect on everyone else. I never knew that.

There is one slight problem with this. The trouble with finding happiness is two-fold; on the one hand, you have a very hard time describing what happiness is, what makes you happy; on the other, you are afraid that you might actually find it. Then what? Well, be happy right? Really? We are human. I get bored of things quickly. But I think I will give it a shot.

So, I embark on my given task. I wonder if I keep saying I am happy if I will buy into it. Likely not. How do I figure out what makes me happy? I don't know. Alcohol? Not really. I collect, but I don't consume. Finish work on time? Well, that could work, but then I would have to figure out what to do once I leave. Sleep? Can sleep make you happy? Money? I think money makes you more miserable. Maybe not. Either way, I am broke. My prospects for the lottery are not that good either. I do get paid for my work but I find ways of spending it. So, money isn't going to make me happy.

A pet? Well, maybe. I have pets but not quite what I used to have. A cursory look at my dwelling space will tell you there are many pictures of my canid pets from the past. Alas, they are no longer alive, but now that I think about it, I was quite a happy person when I had them around. Of course, living in Canada with a dog looks like a tonne of work. You have to keep it in the house, which I don't mind. You have to take it out for its business, you have to keep it occupied while you slave away at work, you have to keep it active, physically and mentally. Do I have time for that? Do I have the resources for that? I wish I did. I will do a lot of things, but I cannot bring myself to have a miserable animal about me. So, a dog is most certainly out of the question given time constraints.

That leaves very little in terms of things that I can think of that are supposed to make me happy. So, what do I do? Sit under a tree and medidate perhaps? It is cold outside at this time of the year.

It isn't so much that I am miserable (as perceived by some others) as I am indifferent to what is around me. I miss things I should pick up right away. It as if I am functioning on my half of my senses; the ability to think exists, the ability to critically think is impaired. Distractions are abundant (like this). Life goes on. Achievements mean little especially since there is a draught in accomplishments. So, what do I do? For now, I think I will sleep on it.

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