Its about 1 am here. I am heading home tomorrow. I am excited. I haven't been home in about 5 months. I can't believe I have been away from Vancouver for so long. Since I came back from my last trip, I've been melting, burning, sweating in the weather that DC seems to have for half the year. I've fought bugs, been bitten by god knows what, seen things I never expected of a first world country and began to learn why this palce is the way it is.
I am looking forward to going home and working from the Vancouver office. I feel like it is a privilage to work out of the office there... yet a piece of me lashes out at that thought. Why did I move? Why did I have to move? Why couldn't I just work from Vancouver? In the grand scheme of things as far as my company goes, I am small fry in a decent sized pond. Either transplant yourself or find another pond. Life is scary, I chose to stay with the same pond that I am somewhat familiar with and transplanted. I want to go home and work from there though.
Which brings me to the longer term implications of living in DC. I don't mind doing this short term, but I am going home one of these days for good. I will go back on my own terms though. It remains to be seen how I will pull that off. In my 9 or so months here, I have had good days, I have had bad days, I have had terrible days and everything in between. I know life in Vancouver was no bed of roses, but somehow when you wake up and see the mountains and feel the incessant rain, life seems to have meaning. Here, I am sort of like a ship at sea with a broken rudder.
I am sure some of the readers will say, well if you're so miserable, then guess what, take the hint and go back where you thought you were happy. Its not so simple. The cowardly way out is to say that i have a lease, a phone, debts and opportunities here as well. The more subtle way out is to say that I am lazy and scared. Its not easy venturing into the vast world on your own. I don't think I will succeed. I do not believe in myself. And I am terrified of failure.
Oh well. Somehow I got to failure and fear. I am going home. That's the good stuff. Away from DC. Close to the people that matter. My family, my friends, the mountains, the ocean, my car, sushi, my books, my Vancouver. You know the weird thing is... I think Vancouver makes sense to me now. The old adage of having to live without something to realise how much it means to you holds dear to me. I'll enjoy my time home. And come back stronger, better and a happier person.
I am looking forward to going home and working from the Vancouver office. I feel like it is a privilage to work out of the office there... yet a piece of me lashes out at that thought. Why did I move? Why did I have to move? Why couldn't I just work from Vancouver? In the grand scheme of things as far as my company goes, I am small fry in a decent sized pond. Either transplant yourself or find another pond. Life is scary, I chose to stay with the same pond that I am somewhat familiar with and transplanted. I want to go home and work from there though.
Which brings me to the longer term implications of living in DC. I don't mind doing this short term, but I am going home one of these days for good. I will go back on my own terms though. It remains to be seen how I will pull that off. In my 9 or so months here, I have had good days, I have had bad days, I have had terrible days and everything in between. I know life in Vancouver was no bed of roses, but somehow when you wake up and see the mountains and feel the incessant rain, life seems to have meaning. Here, I am sort of like a ship at sea with a broken rudder.
I am sure some of the readers will say, well if you're so miserable, then guess what, take the hint and go back where you thought you were happy. Its not so simple. The cowardly way out is to say that i have a lease, a phone, debts and opportunities here as well. The more subtle way out is to say that I am lazy and scared. Its not easy venturing into the vast world on your own. I don't think I will succeed. I do not believe in myself. And I am terrified of failure.
Oh well. Somehow I got to failure and fear. I am going home. That's the good stuff. Away from DC. Close to the people that matter. My family, my friends, the mountains, the ocean, my car, sushi, my books, my Vancouver. You know the weird thing is... I think Vancouver makes sense to me now. The old adage of having to live without something to realise how much it means to you holds dear to me. I'll enjoy my time home. And come back stronger, better and a happier person.
Comments