One of the things I missed terribly while I was out of Vancouver was the lacking in my life of interesting events that I actually enjoy. Not the type where someone tries to break into the house... I mean pleasant things. I've done some interesting things in the spur of the moment... and on Sunday, my friend and I decided to drive all the way across town to get a burger. Not an ordinary burger mind you, this is one good burger. Except I didn't get one. Because I had already eaten. Anyway, to Vera's we went.
As is usual with most of my friends, we talk about a few staples. I think most guys talk pretty much about the same things. Women. Cars. Sports (if we can agree on what). Money maybe. We somehow ended up on the topic of women. We pulled into a petrol station and there in the next pump was this absolutely gorgeous woman filling petrol in her car and then wiping her windows down. There was something incredibly attractive about that. It helped that she was indeed very good looking and she had a very nice car (a Honda Prelude custom painted in purple with some really nice rims). She seemed to be a Broncos fan too for some reason... at least that's what the team in Denver is called I think. How do I know? She was wearing a Broncos sweatshirt. I looked over and my friend was not quite paying attention to the filling of gas, he was staring at her like I was while pretending to fiddle around with the fuel tank lid.
I wanted to honk the horn and tell her that she's welcome to wipe his car too since she seemed to enjoy wiping hers. But I didn't. Nor did I step out of the car and go say hi. Why? I mean realistically, what is the worst thing that could happen? She would probably leave and think I was some kind of pervert. No harm done, the chances are, I will never see her again anyway. But that got me thinking... what does a guy have to do to meet a girl? I've been to plenty of bars since I turned 18. I think I've talked to a handful of women. None of them were very interesting. And apart from the couple of women who took a fancy to me (and that always makes me wonder what trick she has up her sleeve...), I would not say I have had good times meeting women at bars. Not that I am looking to meet some bar wench... but that's where a lot of people here seem to go to meet others. The chances of meeting a sane and sober woman in a bar and having a conversation I consider normal are non-existent. Or at least as close to non-existent as I can tell from the past 10 or so years.
Where else? Work perhaps? I work in the software industry and in a little satellite office where meeting people who wear shoes is a relief... so the chances of me meeting a woman at work are also non-existent. And again, I am not sure meeting someone at work is a good thing... what with both your careers having the chance of going down the drain depending on corporate policies and what not. And unfortunately, the women in this field tend to be, in the words of a friend, third-world ugly.
Where else? The bus? That has never worked for me. Either I am trying to sleep on the bus or I am trying to read on the bus. And while I am surrounded by many women on the bus, I don't think I have ever talked to them in the 10 or so years I have taken the 99 B-line to UBC. I think you can easily come off as creepy or strange or whatever if you approach someone on the bus like that. One of my friends did ask a girl out on a date on the bus once... something about her eating carrots and him asking her to share. Somehow, that sounds very cheesy to me but it worked for him. Damn carrots.
So, where else is one to meet these elusive women? I've talked to plenty of them at stores and stuff. You know the smiling girls at the coffee shop or the store selling crap you don't need or at the local restaurant that only hires women of a certain body type. But they are just trying to do their best to make a sale or get a better tip or whatever. They are not interested in me or the fact that I can write backward or upside down at about the same speed as I can regularly. Or about what I do or what I want to do in life or why I think we should try and spend time researching micro-turbines as a way to generate energy using residential graywater...
I'm fresh out of ideas on where to meet them. I've had some success going anywhere where they exist with the two dogs... dogs are, as they say, chick magnets. But then, they are really interested in the dogs and not me. Most of the time, I stop and think and say, yeah, if I say or do something, it will come off as creepy. Now, I am not out to get a pound of flesh from society for making it this way... plenty of people meet plenty of other people, its just I don't know how and I don't know where to do it. If I listen to my family, their idea of solving this problem is to outsource it... literally. Lets send for a wife in India. Like you're shopping for a pair of shoes. If she has X education, she gets a check. If she's has this colour skin tone and her family is of this caste then we get a few more checks and what not. But that doesn't work for me. Chances are, some poor woman will end up being miserable here and make me miserable... all for some misguided chance at a 'better' life in Amrika that some lunatic in her family convinced her of. You know, the America where the ground is paved with gold and where we wipe our bottoms with rolls of Benjamins (and yes, many people I have met back home can't seem to fathom that there is a Canada that is different than America... which saddens me both for them and for Canada). All this is aside from the fact that people tend to treat you as a commodity... education, looks, skin tone, voice, height, weight, family connections... all have a value associated with it. Your aim is to maximise the value while staying within the confines of conch shells and ancient ways that somehow predict your future through the time you were born and the phase of the moon and which hind leg the family dog lifted up to pee the first time you saw it and what not. This isn't to say that women out there are nuts or gold diggers or anything... I have met just as many nice women out there as I can think of elsewhere... its just that I am still in the same situation... you approach them and god knows what kind of shit breaks loose.
So, here's my plea (maybe that sounds desperate... and it isn't desperation here) to the fairer sex: do us guys a favour and approach us once in a while. If you're interested in getting to know us, by George, do something about it. Because most of us won't find that creepy. Sure, I will still think you are secretly out to knock me unconscious somehow and tear out a kidney and make a run for it... but that's just a healthy imagination (and not paranoia :) ) at work. A lot of people seem to argue about equality and what not... things that were a product of the last century. I want to see that in action now. Come hit on me as it were. Ask me out on a date. I'll pick up the bill sometimes, you can do it some other times. Heck, I'll even drive.
Failing that... I guess I will have to just grow old alone. And you wouldn't want that now, would you? I'd be a burden on the healthcare system for god's sakes! It is in your interest, nay, it is your duty to make sure I don't end up old and alone. Or not. Thanks for reading.
As is usual with most of my friends, we talk about a few staples. I think most guys talk pretty much about the same things. Women. Cars. Sports (if we can agree on what). Money maybe. We somehow ended up on the topic of women. We pulled into a petrol station and there in the next pump was this absolutely gorgeous woman filling petrol in her car and then wiping her windows down. There was something incredibly attractive about that. It helped that she was indeed very good looking and she had a very nice car (a Honda Prelude custom painted in purple with some really nice rims). She seemed to be a Broncos fan too for some reason... at least that's what the team in Denver is called I think. How do I know? She was wearing a Broncos sweatshirt. I looked over and my friend was not quite paying attention to the filling of gas, he was staring at her like I was while pretending to fiddle around with the fuel tank lid.
I wanted to honk the horn and tell her that she's welcome to wipe his car too since she seemed to enjoy wiping hers. But I didn't. Nor did I step out of the car and go say hi. Why? I mean realistically, what is the worst thing that could happen? She would probably leave and think I was some kind of pervert. No harm done, the chances are, I will never see her again anyway. But that got me thinking... what does a guy have to do to meet a girl? I've been to plenty of bars since I turned 18. I think I've talked to a handful of women. None of them were very interesting. And apart from the couple of women who took a fancy to me (and that always makes me wonder what trick she has up her sleeve...), I would not say I have had good times meeting women at bars. Not that I am looking to meet some bar wench... but that's where a lot of people here seem to go to meet others. The chances of meeting a sane and sober woman in a bar and having a conversation I consider normal are non-existent. Or at least as close to non-existent as I can tell from the past 10 or so years.
Where else? Work perhaps? I work in the software industry and in a little satellite office where meeting people who wear shoes is a relief... so the chances of me meeting a woman at work are also non-existent. And again, I am not sure meeting someone at work is a good thing... what with both your careers having the chance of going down the drain depending on corporate policies and what not. And unfortunately, the women in this field tend to be, in the words of a friend, third-world ugly.
Where else? The bus? That has never worked for me. Either I am trying to sleep on the bus or I am trying to read on the bus. And while I am surrounded by many women on the bus, I don't think I have ever talked to them in the 10 or so years I have taken the 99 B-line to UBC. I think you can easily come off as creepy or strange or whatever if you approach someone on the bus like that. One of my friends did ask a girl out on a date on the bus once... something about her eating carrots and him asking her to share. Somehow, that sounds very cheesy to me but it worked for him. Damn carrots.
So, where else is one to meet these elusive women? I've talked to plenty of them at stores and stuff. You know the smiling girls at the coffee shop or the store selling crap you don't need or at the local restaurant that only hires women of a certain body type. But they are just trying to do their best to make a sale or get a better tip or whatever. They are not interested in me or the fact that I can write backward or upside down at about the same speed as I can regularly. Or about what I do or what I want to do in life or why I think we should try and spend time researching micro-turbines as a way to generate energy using residential graywater...
I'm fresh out of ideas on where to meet them. I've had some success going anywhere where they exist with the two dogs... dogs are, as they say, chick magnets. But then, they are really interested in the dogs and not me. Most of the time, I stop and think and say, yeah, if I say or do something, it will come off as creepy. Now, I am not out to get a pound of flesh from society for making it this way... plenty of people meet plenty of other people, its just I don't know how and I don't know where to do it. If I listen to my family, their idea of solving this problem is to outsource it... literally. Lets send for a wife in India. Like you're shopping for a pair of shoes. If she has X education, she gets a check. If she's has this colour skin tone and her family is of this caste then we get a few more checks and what not. But that doesn't work for me. Chances are, some poor woman will end up being miserable here and make me miserable... all for some misguided chance at a 'better' life in Amrika that some lunatic in her family convinced her of. You know, the America where the ground is paved with gold and where we wipe our bottoms with rolls of Benjamins (and yes, many people I have met back home can't seem to fathom that there is a Canada that is different than America... which saddens me both for them and for Canada). All this is aside from the fact that people tend to treat you as a commodity... education, looks, skin tone, voice, height, weight, family connections... all have a value associated with it. Your aim is to maximise the value while staying within the confines of conch shells and ancient ways that somehow predict your future through the time you were born and the phase of the moon and which hind leg the family dog lifted up to pee the first time you saw it and what not. This isn't to say that women out there are nuts or gold diggers or anything... I have met just as many nice women out there as I can think of elsewhere... its just that I am still in the same situation... you approach them and god knows what kind of shit breaks loose.
So, here's my plea (maybe that sounds desperate... and it isn't desperation here) to the fairer sex: do us guys a favour and approach us once in a while. If you're interested in getting to know us, by George, do something about it. Because most of us won't find that creepy. Sure, I will still think you are secretly out to knock me unconscious somehow and tear out a kidney and make a run for it... but that's just a healthy imagination (and not paranoia :) ) at work. A lot of people seem to argue about equality and what not... things that were a product of the last century. I want to see that in action now. Come hit on me as it were. Ask me out on a date. I'll pick up the bill sometimes, you can do it some other times. Heck, I'll even drive.
Failing that... I guess I will have to just grow old alone. And you wouldn't want that now, would you? I'd be a burden on the healthcare system for god's sakes! It is in your interest, nay, it is your duty to make sure I don't end up old and alone. Or not. Thanks for reading.
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