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Dear pet owners of Vancouver

I am sure many of you consider yourselves responsible owners of your dog or whatever you call those things. But do me a favour and, for the love of god, please clean up after your god damned pet. I do not enjoy walking to work playing dodge-the-dog-poo on a daily basis. Seriously. Unfortunately for me, my eyes work together; so when I am looking down for the next possible poo spot, and am walking, I have a good chance of missing that car entering the intersection from just out of field of sight. And I don't trust those drivers either. So, do me a favour and clean up your dog's crap. It isn't like your dog can do it by itself. 

Now, here's the fun part. We live in a place that is full of cameras. CCTV cameras. Mobile phone cameras. Yuppies with SLRs. Clowns with Instagram filters. They're everywhere. These cameras typically take videos and those end up on Youtube. And people, being what they are, they will go through videos and find the most random things. Together, they are very good at finding and naming people. Remember the riots? What if, instead of finding and naming stupid hoodlums who broke cars, we used that kind of social power to track down your dog's name and home? Would you want your co-workers to know that you are a bad pet parent? Would you want your mother? Think about it. 

I say you don't. So, here's a deal I'll make with you. If your dog poos on the sidewalk, that's fine. If your dog poos on the sidewalk, and you don't clean up after it, and instead look about you and then walk away,  and I see you doing that, I'm taking your picture and putting it up on facebook or something so that you can be named and hopefully, shamed. 

I love dogs. I'm just tired of their bastard owners who think it is okay for their dear beloved pet to use the city sidewalks as an open space to leave their crap behind. There are city bylaws about it. There are hygiene reasons why it shouldn't be there. Then there are reasons like... me stepping on it and bringing it into the elevator at home/work etc. So, do us all a favour, be a good neighbour, be a good pet parent and CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR FUCKING DOG. That's all. Thank you.  
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